Category: Blog

Self-esteem or self-worth is one of the greatest assets that a human being must have, the way we show up really counts. This is a gift which you, as a parent can give to your child starting early on so that your child does not feel less than anyone. Skin color ,birthplace , birth family, schooling , the community we live in or what profession we choose in our lives whether we are short or tall, thin or fat should never determine how worthy or unworthy we feel about ourselves. Parents play a big role in boosting self esteem.

What I’m trying to say is that how you raise and interact with your child is how you lay a firm foundation of this asset called self-esteem. You must be mindful in planting and watering the good seeds of self esteem.

In the podcast The Way Out Is In
Episode # 71 Ancient Path For Modern Times: Feeling Safe
Sister TD speaks to this. She says
“To have a deep, compassionate quality of presence with your family,” which includes your child too, is the key. She explains how we perceive ourselves shifts the energy field.
In my posts I have included the steps on how to nourish self-esteem and self-worth in your child. The screening called “Home Inventory” mentions positive
words your child needs to hear from you on a daily basis. For example “I am so happy to be your mom/dad.” your child needs to know that he or she does not have to be perfect to be loved , that love is unconditional. Your child needs to know from you that they are enough as they are and no matter what, you are always there for them. Loving words, always stick. Your positive words will shape your child’s self esteem. I have met many adults in my life who feel so unworthy no matter how talented they may be because they were made to feel insignificant. By building, strong connections and being attuned to your child and recognizing their strengths and weaknesses you will boost their self-esteem. Life is a learning process , your child learns to see himself through your eyes.

A child is a reflection of the world they experience, as they grow and develop. Our job as a parent or caregiver is to provide them a nurturing, caring, consistent, predictable, stimulating, and enriching environment where their neurons can grow and thrive. Dr. Bruce Perry, the head of The Trauma center.org, which is based in Houston, Texas! explains how, although only 25% is developed when the baby is born, the brain grows and develops rapidly during the first four years of a child’s life. By age 4, it’s 90% adult brain. Dr. Perry explains that the connection between neurons increases and strengthens” through repetition.”
Early life experiences are crucial to laying a firm foundation. His seven-slide series is worth watching to gain knowledge about how the brain grows and develops from the brainstem outward, and inwards. Knowledge to set up flexible, supportive, and nurturing routines in your family life is crucial to give that boost to your child’s developing neurons.
Dr. Dan Siegel talks about the function of the left and right hemispheres of the brain, he says that the right side is early developing, nonverbal, and expresses raw emotion. When a parent follows and responds in a caring and responsive manner, there can be tremendous growth of strong neurons because the early cues the baby gives are all nonverbal, they feel gratified when they are responded to in a timely manner. Otherwise they get stressed easily.

The left brain is later developing. It’s linguistic, linear, logical and literal. It is very important for a parent and primary caregiver to understand the two regions of the brain, while looking deeply at their own left and right modes! Understanding that either can be more dominant than the other is essential. Experts say that if this is not known to a parent, there is disconnect and rigidity and leads to chaos. The key is to find the balance within ourselves and provide an environment to your child where they can thrive .

Screen time versus Greentime – What would you choose?
There are 1000 things to do daily in your backyard and neighborhood , than sit in front of devices. Please choose wisely.

Recent research on media usage has shown the detrimental effects on the brain of development of young children . Experts are saying that we need to restrict media usage for children from 0- 8years old. For children 0 to 2 years, experts recommend no exposure to TV, iPads , iPhones or any other devices. Between the ages of 2-8 years old, it needs to be restricted because as we know the attention span of young children is already short and studies have shown that media usage is impacting and reducing that attention span and this becomes very problematic.

Dr. Supreet Mann, director of research with Common Sense Media and Dr. Lee, clinical psychologist at the Boston Children’s Hospital, in one of their webinar, mentioned about the science behind brain development. They said it is important for parents to understand the developing brain of their young child, as I have mentioned in my website on my posts and videos. At birth , the brain is only 25% developed , fast moving images, etc.
overstimulate the brain of young children and it becomes very difficult for babies and toddlers to process the input and be able to deal with colors, fast moving images, etc. Dr. Lee says that the brain of babies are very plastic and over stimulation impacts sleep, self regulation, etc. in a very negative way. For older children 2-8 yrs old the video length matters. It’s better to engage children in videos that follow a storyline and not short, fast moving clips, she also emphasized that viewing must be restricted.

Here are the five most important steps you can take and enforce.
1. Limit screen time.
2. Be consistent to manage screen time usage.
3. Choose media, which has educational value.
4. View with your child and explain what is appropriate and not appropriate.
5. Allow only age-appropriate and engaging content.

I will close by saying that media content that encourages curiosity, critical, thinking skills, raise confidence, and are interactive matter most.

“In keeping of the I (eye) empty a miracle can happen in a parent-child relationship. Mark Nepo , poet and teacher, in his book, “The Book Of Awakening “ says, “it’s not by chance that the dark center of the human eye, the pupil, is actually an empty hole through which the world becomes known to us.” The Upanishads also tell us that in the center of the seed of the great Nyagrodha” there is nothing, and out of that nothing a great tree grows .”Reading this I am reminded , of young children and I also become aware that from an early age we are taught that to live fully is to be accepted and that we need to be seen. As much as we want to be seen happens in the minds of young children, a child will do anything, even if it means seeking negative attention.

Therefore, our job as parents is to give our complete attention and presence to the needs of our child by listening to his/ her words, to get off of our devices and be fully present when interacting with our child . Our chief work also becomes, in a very sincere effort, to“ allow that central presence to be always there to understand, guide, direct, boost, hold, and be there for our child.” this happens only when we are 100% present and aware of our thresholds.” research has proven that a deeper reflection of self understanding “helps us connect to our child in a positive and stronger way”.

The noise and din of the world moves us away from self reflection, but Mindfulness helps us stay in the present moment.. The whole idea is to respond in flexible ways to the needs of your child. Time spent with your child must be enjoyed, valued, and loved and not just managed. It’s not an easy task, but it eases a lot of frustrations and stress.

Doctor ShefaliTsabery , Dan Siegel , Dr. Becky and even as far back as the 18th century Jean Jacques Rousseau the educator & philosopher, who had tremendous influence on educational practices say that “parenting is a journey.” “Your children are already superstars and your inability to see this is indicative of a lack within you not them.” says Dr. Shefali Tsabary. She further goes on to say “ parents need to get their heads straight for by healing their own wounds and be aware of their own emotional threshold.” She further states that “ when children are given the space to assert their authentic voice, when they are drowned out by the roar of parental agendas, they grow up anxious and depressed”. Now that is a bold statement and gives us a lot to think about. Again the word, mindful pops up front and center in my thinking.

The the fact is that each child has a different wiring and a different personality, as parents we have to find the right tools to navigate parenting challenges. What the educational experts are really proposing is an approach centered on the natural development of each child. They emphasize the importance of allowing children to learn through exploration , experience and hands-on activities. Even the latest report of 2023 from The National Institute For Early Educational Research (NIEER) provides us with critical insights into the current landscape of preschool education in America.

Basically, the take is, what happens in the first three years in child’s life becomes a critical foundation for learning and living. Therefore, mindful parenting, plays a key role. Parental involvement, responsiveness, and presence, are the key factors of any parenting approach. The content and frequency of giving a child choices during mealtime, playtime and bedtime is “ associated with higher-quality of learning and also positive behaviors. The power of play cannot be underestimated because children learn through play. As parents our choice of words matter. Do I bend down to a child’s level when I’m speaking to the child ? Do I use gentle words? do I make an eye contact? Am I fully mindful? Am I present? are good questions to ask oneself when interacting with the child.

This website is about Mindful parenting. So let’s keep our focus on the word “mindful”. So let me start with the mention from the podcast called “The Way Out Is In.” In episode# 56, “Caring for children, caring for the child inside,” brother Phap Huu, a young monastic, Abbott of the upper hamlet in Plum Village, France, says that if you care for yourself, then you come from a very different place. Your energy shifts, and you don’t coerce or force, love becomes boundless when the energy shifts, we have more space, more freedom, to establish solid and strong relationships. He also says that too much structure has our divided society and parents who come with their children to attend the family retreat at the Plum Village to learn Mindfulness often ask him what is my time and how do I make time for my child? This is sad because it talks of separation.

Is there a better way to parent? We don’t know the only thing I can say for sure is becoming a mindful person & be fully present is the key to establish successful relationships. Educationist, spiritual leaders, policy makers, doctors, psychologist, people coming from different field have always said this, and with the wealth of new findings in pediatric neurobiology parents have unlimited access to wealth of the kind of skills, they need to interact with their child as best suits the needs of their family. There is not a right or wrong way. My website, mindful parenting, will show you how to establish a strong bond with your child. As Oren Jay Sofer says our own needs matter, as much as the needs of our child but we must learn how to put their needs before ours and by doing so we can establish a strong bond with our child. . We must not loose our focus! so let me close by saying this nothing more precious than loving a gift that all our children deserve and there is no separation of my mind or making time for a children Family Life is intertwined and we need to establish “ Oneness”.