Day: April 23, 2024

“In keeping of the I (eye) empty a miracle can happen in a parent-child relationship. Mark Nepo , poet and teacher, in his book, “The Book Of Awakening “ says, “it’s not by chance that the dark center of the human eye, the pupil, is actually an empty hole through which the world becomes known to us.” The Upanishads also tell us that in the center of the seed of the great Nyagrodha” there is nothing, and out of that nothing a great tree grows .”Reading this I am reminded , of young children and I also become aware that from an early age we are taught that to live fully is to be accepted and that we need to be seen. As much as we want to be seen happens in the minds of young children, a child will do anything, even if it means seeking negative attention.

Therefore, our job as parents is to give our complete attention and presence to the needs of our child by listening to his/ her words, to get off of our devices and be fully present when interacting with our child . Our chief work also becomes, in a very sincere effort, to“ allow that central presence to be always there to understand, guide, direct, boost, hold, and be there for our child.” this happens only when we are 100% present and aware of our thresholds.” research has proven that a deeper reflection of self understanding “helps us connect to our child in a positive and stronger way”.

The noise and din of the world moves us away from self reflection, but Mindfulness helps us stay in the present moment.. The whole idea is to respond in flexible ways to the needs of your child. Time spent with your child must be enjoyed, valued, and loved and not just managed. It’s not an easy task, but it eases a lot of frustrations and stress.

Doctor ShefaliTsabery , Dan Siegel , Dr. Becky and even as far back as the 18th century Jean Jacques Rousseau the educator & philosopher, who had tremendous influence on educational practices say that “parenting is a journey.” “Your children are already superstars and your inability to see this is indicative of a lack within you not them.” says Dr. Shefali Tsabary. She further goes on to say “ parents need to get their heads straight for by healing their own wounds and be aware of their own emotional threshold.” She further states that “ when children are given the space to assert their authentic voice, when they are drowned out by the roar of parental agendas, they grow up anxious and depressed”. Now that is a bold statement and gives us a lot to think about. Again the word, mindful pops up front and center in my thinking.

The the fact is that each child has a different wiring and a different personality, as parents we have to find the right tools to navigate parenting challenges. What the educational experts are really proposing is an approach centered on the natural development of each child. They emphasize the importance of allowing children to learn through exploration , experience and hands-on activities. Even the latest report of 2023 from The National Institute For Early Educational Research (NIEER) provides us with critical insights into the current landscape of preschool education in America.

Basically, the take is, what happens in the first three years in child’s life becomes a critical foundation for learning and living. Therefore, mindful parenting, plays a key role. Parental involvement, responsiveness, and presence, are the key factors of any parenting approach. The content and frequency of giving a child choices during mealtime, playtime and bedtime is “ associated with higher-quality of learning and also positive behaviors. The power of play cannot be underestimated because children learn through play. As parents our choice of words matter. Do I bend down to a child’s level when I’m speaking to the child ? Do I use gentle words? do I make an eye contact? Am I fully mindful? Am I present? are good questions to ask oneself when interacting with the child.

This website is about Mindful parenting. So let’s keep our focus on the word “mindful”. So let me start with the mention from the podcast called “The Way Out Is In.” In episode# 56, “Caring for children, caring for the child inside,” brother Phap Huu, a young monastic, Abbott of the upper hamlet in Plum Village, France, says that if you care for yourself, then you come from a very different place. Your energy shifts, and you don’t coerce or force, love becomes boundless when the energy shifts, we have more space, more freedom, to establish solid and strong relationships. He also says that too much structure has our divided society and parents who come with their children to attend the family retreat at the Plum Village to learn Mindfulness often ask him what is my time and how do I make time for my child? This is sad because it talks of separation.

Is there a better way to parent? We don’t know the only thing I can say for sure is becoming a mindful person & be fully present is the key to establish successful relationships. Educationist, spiritual leaders, policy makers, doctors, psychologist, people coming from different field have always said this, and with the wealth of new findings in pediatric neurobiology parents have unlimited access to wealth of the kind of skills, they need to interact with their child as best suits the needs of their family. There is not a right or wrong way. My website, mindful parenting, will show you how to establish a strong bond with your child. As Oren Jay Sofer says our own needs matter, as much as the needs of our child but we must learn how to put their needs before ours and by doing so we can establish a strong bond with our child. . We must not loose our focus! so let me close by saying this nothing more precious than loving a gift that all our children deserve and there is no separation of my mind or making time for a children Family Life is intertwined and we need to establish “ Oneness”.